hi guys i have not blog for a very very very very very very long time liao hor... hahaha... been kinda of busy and somemore got SIP.... well for those of you who have not seen me for quite a while i am doing fine and leaving my hair long, going NS soon dun waste the free hair cut..very typical singaporean rite... hhahahaha well i am gonna cut my hair b4 i go NS cus the hair cut there will leave you wif holes on your head......take my advice i have seen many many nice holes on my friend's head.. hee hee

Another 2 weeks is PR 2 stress.... arr... my project is arr.... killer.." kill me kill me "as wat my my Ex- manager elaine likes to say... hahahaha... really i am gonna hire a killer to kill me... hee hee any interested in this offer??????

going to sleep liao cus need to go school tommrrow NITE MY DEAR FRIENDS......

haiz... rainny day ...haiz... how i wish i can sleep... too bad must work... hahah... now skiving on the job... blogging... hee hee man o man wat a holiday, its as good as no holiday... haiz.... tired man how i wish i can go on a holiday.... how shoik can tat be man... Gold Coast will be good ..

hahahaha happy man my mum called yesterday.... she will be coming back this coming monday... hee hee .... too bad i open sch liao... haiz... cannot accompany her... damn... nvm after sch can see her liao... hope she get chivas for me.... cus said i am becoming a addict and dun wan to buy for me... haiz.... sleepy.....sleepy....

today me and YC late for work again hahahaha... as always not tat we wan to but haiz... we are just too tired to get up liao.... hee hee

well after lunch today we became the most innovative person around hahaha... it was rainning like cats and dogs and we are late to get back to work cus today we damn busy ... lots of idiots and assholes call in to ask stupid questions... hahaha anyway we used string wrap.... and walk through the rain.....our top was totally dry but our pants alittle wet... but wen we were walking... ppl looked at us... and commented our umbrella was better... haha full body cover... hahaha

well.... today was toking toYC abt my other work place.... haiz... damn sianz.... is being nice weak??? cus... i feel i am like too nice till everyone just step... not tat i wan auth... haiz,... to long to talk abt it... very sad ... anyway.... thought of it very clear liao....

anyway gtg need to continue my orientation stuff... hahaha byb guys ... stay tune to the latest news abt me... if i not lazy to type like today... hahaha

i have been trying to escape my dark path that is in me...... i am tired really tired... of trying to control myself..... i have been supressing my true self... or is now wat i am is the true me??? i really donno.... some times i really think tis world is fucking damn dark... ppl using each other to get wat they want and to get where they wanna go... no more true feelings.... just un conditionally helping each other..... and i really wonder is kindness weakness??? being nice to ppl... usually will end up a disaster... in teh end the one getting hurt is u...

i dun usually tok much abt my stuff... just tok cock alot only.... but really... not many ppl share the same frequency... not many ppl can understand... so i find it hard to share my stuff.... is not tat i dun trust my friends or wat... but if my friend cannot share the same frequency as me will not be able to analysis the sitution wif me... sometime i find it hard to communicate wif ppl using my normal self.... not the crazy me but the real me... donno y... am i lacking confidence in myself??? or wtf am i afraid of? the truth is my heart is very much barricaded.... sometimes i really donno do i have feelings... some times i have to urge to really wanna tear something apart...

i really hate myself for i am not who i really am... the person that i should be... the true me that i have been supressing....i wonder how will my friends react if the real me where to surface?? how long can tis last?? sianz man... somtimes i really envy YC Nick they all.... they show their true self .... if unhappy abt any thing just say..... but for me i always consider tis and tat.... haiz.... maybe i will die younger than them ba hahahahahaha... nick YC i think u all will be eating my curry chicken first ... rather than me eating urs wen we are old... hahahahahahaha

well my curry chicken will have lots of potato inside ok... and mushed cus by than our teeth are all gone... hahhaa

haiz... life since the holidays till now has been hactic for me.... i feel so tired and wanna die down now.... really wanna just lay there and not move a muscle.... haiz.... i really need a break 1 week b4 the sem opens...

going to 3.1 soon... and will graduate in 1 years time....looking to my backpacking trip that i am planning after poly.... wanna look at the wats really out there besides the tv or pic we only get to see in the text books.... hee hee... if i can't get anyone to come along wif me ... i guess i will have to travel alone... which will be a good time to make me think how am i going to live the rest of my life.... hahaha sounds as if as i am going to die soon rite hahaha.... as if....

i really hate myself...... really hate myself..... i ....who have derive all my principles which is so clear to me....throught my experiances and have been through.... the most hated thing has actually came true..... haiz i also donno wat i toking ... to cut it short i have failed in holding on to my principles which is so dear to me.... more than any thing.... no excuse abt it.... totally no explination abt it..... i have really failed to hold on to my principles..... i now feel so angry and hate myself.... fuck myself i say.... and my i rot in hell.... for i have done some thing very irriversable.... no matter wat ever it is i have to face the music.... i reap wat i sow.... i always believe tat.... man i hope there is some thing i can do to reverse time and erace wat i should not have done....

i think i am a person still filled wif hate .... as wat my mum say its true the more u hate wat u do not wanna become the more u will unknowingly become wat u actually hate.... i feel that it is coming my way.... i not sure y is it so true.... the more i persist.... the worst it becomes....haiz.... i just feel like getting drunk everynite and just die in a state of high.... wat a way to go ya... hahaha.... something ppl might take it as a small matter but to me it is a big thing cus it a principle i have to uphold... maybe because of the principle i have derive wif my hate of ** ****** ******... that i have unknowingly walking in to shadows .... i am really afraid i will become a person that i hate... and ppl will dislike... i really fear tat day i lost every sense in me and throw away my prinicples..... i will have all the shit in the world but not feeling and friends and family.... i am afraid to lose it all .. not my wealth nor my health... but my friends and people who are dear to me....

not tat i am lost now... i have a clear goal wat i wan in life... but is the process of getting there... i am afraid i might detour to another path tat i will not wan to or hated my whole life......

well will tok abt tis another time wen i blog gottat sleep later got meeting wif mr chew at \9.30 than ESC meeting at 10.30 than must rush down to work haiz.... hee hee

haha... tat alex cant make it to help us carry tha stuff from my place... haiz lucky got ade and alishan hahhaa.... but sad man the curry and marinating sauce spilled on the cab uncle cab.... feel so bad... imagine if u are hungry and boarded tis uncle's cab.... wow lioa the smell will make u drool man.. hahaha

than later we went bowling .... but wei shan had to go off early... man... bowl til my thumb got a big blister... hee hee

the bbq started wen lisa,crystal and roy came.... tat roy never buy bee hoon... haiz lucky the food is more than enough man.... after food had some drinks.... which is not in favour to me... hee hee hahahaa well... b4 u know it i was high... hahahah which was still damn early lor...

later when my zheng zheng came... me and roy start drowning him in liquor if not later he will still be standing while both of us are flat like the floor.... hahahaha.... i feel this chalet is not as fun as our old batch one... cus the curent batch all no drink... or if got also not much so.... only the small grp of us play and drink and the rest just watch...... haiz... if it were the old times.... no one will be awake man....all will be flat on the floor and puking aver the chalet not tat it is good la but everyone is having fun u see... hee hee i think the last chalet which was tracy's birthday if i not worng was the most fun..... everyone was dead on hhe bed and some outside... hahaha if i not wrong we drank 1 bottle of red wine and 8-10 bottles of hard liquor....
hahaha

okok i going back ot planning the cent orientation liao hhhahahaahah

i feel like a road kill now... hahha... after 18 hrs of work... haha.. mentally i not tired be physically damn tired man... hee hee wat to do... wat humans do for money hee hee...

well the haagen daze chalet is coming soon really looking forward to the chalet... hee hee well... tommrrow or rather later on at 11 am go meeting which i have not prepared anything...
haiz.... damn sianz man... how... i think i will have to make do on the spot thinking rather than planning now... cus i can never think properly in the state i am in now??

haiz... today had a wonderful lunch... the canteen aunty is so nice to give me lots of liao.... dman shoik man my wanton noodles... hee hee well today was i very nice day.... everything is going smoothly.... hahhaa happy... hee hee any way got to sleep liao nitey